Bismillah.

My youngest turned two last weekend, alhamdulillah. I remember when my eldest turned seven last year, and we’re told that there are some critical years in a person’s life. Like their first three years, and how safe and loved they were made to feel in those years, and also the first seven years. And I recall watching her from a distance with gratitude filling my heart, that she was completing her seven years as a wholesome child. I find myself feeling thankful once again that my youngest is now two and is already forming full sentences, understands three languages, has opinions of her own, and is just the blossom of our family.

Reflecting on all these blessings made me want to share a few things:

~ Motherhood will be one of the most triggering experiences. It will bring out your most vulnerable states, the ugly truths, day in and day out. Unlike other testing relationships, it won’t be as easy not to face those truths, to simply cut off the relationship and run away. We cannot simply leave our children. Either, we end up hurting our children, intentionally or not, or we decide to face those truths and take it as an opportunity to transform ourselves for the sake of our own good as well as that of our children. Whether we accept it or not, we are role models for our children, and we can’t simply hope that our children will have good role models without first implementing those desirable attributes in our own lives. The aim is not to reach perfection. We are human, we err and we have to recognize and reconcile with that. What we need to do though is be conscious in our actions. Are we trying our best to live up to what we want our children to learn and implement? Or are we going to just wait for their school or someone else to take care of that?

~ The level of violence and violations we have been witnessing on our mobile phones should not prevent us from fulfilling our responsibilities towards our children. Our commitment to raising them to be as healthy as possible in mind, body and soul is an act of resistance in itself. If we believe that we are part of one nation, the ummah, we are in this together and this is a collective struggle. Of course we must still extend our support to brothers & sisters in Gaza and elsewhere, whether it’s in terms of financial support, sharing their messages, speaking out against oppressors and simply making du’a. We need to not forget for a moment that we are a part of the same body. But we must not lose sight of our duties, for the sake of the ummah. We know who benefits from us being in a dysfunctional state. Not the ummah. Our relationship with Allah, purification of the heart, maintaining silat ar-rahm (womb ties; family ties), helping those in need in our immediate vicinities, our dedication to raising empathetic, principled, disciplined, unapologetic Muslim children despite all the pushback from society, from left and right, sometimes even from our own family is our resistance to this oppression (a little side tangent: the word for oppression in Arabic is dhulm ظلم and the Arabic word for darkness shares the same root as oppression — darkness doesn’t exist on its own but it is a lack of something else i.e. light, and oppression is when there is no adherence to truth and justice. The further one is away from truth, mercy and justice amongst other qualities, the closer they are to being in a state of oppression in its different levels.)

The way we raise our children and how much we work on ourselves & our relationship with our Lord is a significant part of our role in this collective liberation. This reminds me of something I often think about… most of the Prophets peace and blessings be upon them all challenged the status quo, the norms of the society they were sent to. The Qur’an informs us that there has been no messenger except that he was mocked, and they never sought out a reward in response to their call. So I don’t know if there ever will be a time where some form of resistance is not required of us. It is a lifelong struggle, and if there is no outside force, there will always be an internal force, that which lies within ourselves. Renew your intentions every day. Insert an intention for the sake of Allah even in the most mundane acts. Remind yourself of our Master Muhammad ﷺ and his concern for us.

~ This last point took me a while to put into words as I was struggling to get my point across. I still think it could have been better put, but I hope it makes sense overall.

Raising children is demanding and children themselves are demanding. So naturally, we want to meet those demands and pay attention to every detail, trying to perform at peak level, whether it relates to their eating, sleeping, getting physical activity, education. You name it. It’s endless and constant, and sometimes feels discouraging when you don’t feel like there is enough acknowledgement of your sacrifices, all that thought and time that goes into everything. And we know that children need attention, and we tie their need for attention with how we are meeting their demands. What truly nurtures them though, is individual, undivided attention, and truly being present with them, even for as little as 20-30 minutes a day. We are present with them through other daily activities, obviously. Especially homeschooling parents are with their children throughout most of the day. What I mean is conscious presence. Truly connecting with them in a present state. Locking eyes with them, hearing them out without rushing them, giving them a heartfelt hug, playing a game, wrestling with them. And most importantly, making du’a for them, inwardly as well as out loud. These are the moments that will stick with them for the rest of their lives.

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